Divorce on New Year’s

The traditional New Year’s Auld Lang Syne song may just sum it up. “Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon; The flames of Love extinguished, and fully past and gone.”

Are you ringing in the New Year’s without your spouse this year? Many people think of the New Year as a time to take stock of their lives and strive for improvement. For most, this means joining a gym, eating healthier, trying a new career path, or vowing to volunteer more. For others, it means breaking free from a marriage that is no longer working out or in the best interests of one or both parties. Because this is a time of transformation and self-reflection, January is also the month where divorce rates spike into comparison to other months.

Coping With Divorce Around The Holiday’s

The holiday season that precedes this spike in divorce is stressful on already strained marriages for a number of reasons. The pressure of putting on the front of a happy and thankful family can be exhausting. It can also be depressing to see that others have a sense of happiness or a healthier relationship when compared to what a struggling couple may have. The added stress of spending time with extended family that doesn’t support a partnership to begin with can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, so to speak. The financial strain of the holidays can also lead a couple to fight or drift apart more than they may already be. While disappointment over one gift doesn’t usually prompt divorce, a consistent pattern of being or feeling overlooked can reinforce feelings of neglect or rejection. This can all prompt someone to take action to seek a divorce. The holiday season also means an increase in alcohol use for some. This could also propel a split for couples just after the season is over.

One major reason cited why couples file for divorce more in January than in other months is children. Even if someone feels certain a divorce is necessary, they may hesitate to go through with it before the holidays, so as to give the kids one last holiday as a family. Someone who wants a divorce may push it back until after they have given it one final try over the holiday together rather than split before Thanksgiving or Christmas. This notion of sticking it out during the holidays can also be for the benefit of extended family who may be upset or disturbed to hear there is a pending divorce during the holiday.

A Time for New Beginning’s

As the holidays unfold and lead into a new year, people tend to reevaluate their decisions and life path up until this point. That can mean they really stop and think whether or not they want to live this way and stay in the same relationship for yet another year. The spike can boil down to people wanting to start a new year off feeling like they are doing what is best for them and knowing that they gave it one last shot during what should be the happiest time of year. Regardless of the reasons, when you know a divorce is the best option during this New Year’s, you will want to seek legal representation who will fight for your rights and help you get the fresh start you have been waiting for.

By Anna Shapiro

Are You a Parent Out of State Trying to Plan for the Holidays?

Living in another state without your child can make parenting more of a challenge, simply from a logistics point of view. Dealing with parenting plans during the holiday season can be particularly difficult when one parent lives out of state. The sooner co-parents can address the unique obstacles parenting plans may pose when one parent is out of state, the sooner those parents can find common ground and resolutions that work for everyone involved.

Plan Ahead

While each family is vastly different from others, many out of state parents face the same issues. It is important that any parenting plan is structured to help each parent maximize the time they have with a child, regardless of distance. When one parent is in another state, travel time has to be considered. The time it takes for the child to get to one parent should not count against that parent’s allotted visitation time. Holiday visits also need to coincide with school vacations as a child gets older. To get the legally allotted time with a child, it may be necessary for one parent to get fewer but longer lasting visits with the child over a holiday. Sticking to an every other weekend plan just won’t work when one parent lives so far away. The issue of visitation can become more complicated as extended family members try to plan celebrations also.

Who Pays For Travel Expenses?

Aside from time constraints affecting out of state visitation, money is a factor also. Parents will need to address the cost of travel in between homes. Deciding to split the cost evenly or for one parent to pay for transportation may require compromise or even legal intervention. The cost of a plane ticket may not be the only expense either if a child flies. If the travel plans are interrupted, such as flights cancelled, missed, or delayed, there may be added costs the parents need to think about beforehand. For lengthy travel, meals and other travel necessities may need to be paid for upfront. If one parent has to drive a great distance to get the child, there may be questions about whether the other parent should help with gas or if that parent should drive an equal distance to take the child back home. Having a plan in place long before a bag is packed can help all parties avoid conflict or any miscommunication over who is responsible for what.

Mode of travel may be an issue a parenting plan for holiday visits needs to address also. The preference of a child might not match the cost ability or comfort level of a parent. Two parents may also disagree over what is best and what is fair. These decisions may require court intervention if a compromise can’t be reached.

A parenting plan for state to state travel and visitation during the holidays should also address the other parent’s right to information and communication. Technology can be useful so a parent can be kept informed as to whether the child got there safely and also as a means to stay up to date on plans. Both parents may want to decide on a schedule that helps the child feel connected but does not encroach on the other parent’s time or authority.

While parents may work out a perfectly acceptable parenting plan to deal with all holiday visits and state to state travel in the beginning, children and plans change each year. The parenting plan that has worked for the last three years might not be feasible today. Parents can mutually agree to revisit a parenting plan every few years to gauge how it is working for everyone. When parents can adjust to these changes and make concessions that satisfy everyone as much as possible, then that method is always best. However, if they can’t adjust or agree on changes, going back to court for a modification may be necessary. When parents can be flexible, respectful, and creative with parenting plans during the holidays, everyone wins.
 
By Anna Shapiro

Who Gets Custody Around The Holidays?

The holiday season can be stressful and hectic for anyone. Whenever co-parents need to deal with child visitation issues during the holidays, the stress can be heightened if they don’t prepare or agree ahead of time.

Parenting plans generally outline how visits and holidays will be split between co-parents. The visitation schedule for parents with joint custody may typically alternate where the child spends each holiday and weekend. However, there are several factors that can complicate the seemingly simple plan of switching back and forth for every calendar holiday. One parent may hold the religious aspect of a holiday in much higher regards than the other, but that alone should not affect the amount of time a non-religious parent gets to spend with a child. Parents may even disagree over how long a child spends with the other during the holiday, such as whether one parent should have Christmas Eve and Christmas day. A parent’s work schedule may also interfere with how they may be able to celebrate with the child or their ability to meet for a drop off time. One parent’s finances may affect the ability to travel or commit to a means of travel for visits during the holidays. These issues and other complications for holiday visits can be as unique as the family involved.

Visitation Tips

There are tips for parents who want to off-set any visitation issues during the holidays. Parents may find it helpful to sit down and outline what times, dates, holidays, or family celebrations they would categorize as most important long before necessary. They can even email a calendar back and forth to help streamline the process of figuring out a plan. This may help both parents find room to maneuver and adjust their own plans way before the actual holiday. Parents can also involve extended family in drop offs if work schedules or finances make it difficult for them to handle it alone. Discussing finances before travel plans are made can help both parents prepare ahead of time. One option many parents seem to find best for the child is if they can carve out time where both parents can take part in a tradition or celebration. One example is for the parent who doesn’t have Christmas morning visitation to still be invited to stop by when presents are being opened just to be there for the child. Technology can also help so the child can involve the other parent through Skype or other means.
 
Court Modifications

Holiday visit schedules may require some level of creativity and compromise. However, if an attempt to iron out details or make any adjustments is unsuccessful, a court modification may be the only option left. Contacting an experienced divorce attorney may clear up any lingering concerns. Legal intervention can help parents solve holiday visitation problems when an attempt to discuss changes or modifications doesn’t generate the solutions. However, there must be a genuine concern or argument for change to justify court intervention. Simply not wanting the child to be with the other parent to avoid hurt feelings or loneliness will not suffice. When both parents keep their eye on the goal of making each holiday the best it can be for the child, than any compromise or decision making is bound to work out in the best interest of everyone involved more often than not.

Surviving Divorce Through The Holidays

Divorce can be a difficult time for anyone, regardless of the time of year or the circumstances. While the divorce rate has declined across the country in the last two years; it consistently remains higher for couples who are on their second or third marriages. For those on their second marriage, the divorce rate is 60%. It is 73% for couples on a third marriage. When broken down according to time of year, January is when divorce filings are at the highest rate. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Massachusetts currently has the lowest divorce rate in the country. However, Massachusetts is not immune to the high number of divorces that occur right after the holidays. For those who are affected by divorce this time of year, there are some tips that can help you cope with divorce during the holidays.

Divorce, the Holidays, and Children

Helping children adjust to a divorce can be enough of a challenge. When that divorce affects the holiday season, it can be more of a challenge. One way to help make the season manageable and stress-free for the adults and kids is to agree on a schedule ahead of time and stick with it. When children know what to expect, the transition can be easier. If at all possible, both parents should try to adhere to the traditions that matter most to the kids. However, this can also be an opportunity to create new traditions. Parents may have to work together to lower expectations all across the board and remember the least amount of upheaval may be best for everyone.
Communication between parents is key. Presenting a united front is vital. This is particularly important when ironing details such as, where children will spend Christmas Eve or morning, holiday dinners, religious services, time with extended family, and what time and place will be best for exchanges. Parents may even need to discuss and plan gift ideas together, including spending limits. Extended family members may also need to be kept in the loop about the new holiday schedule. The use of technology can help parents or extended family members maintain a connection with children when they are away from one parent during a special holiday event.

Look To Family and Friends For Support

For those who don’t have children, divorce during the holidays can still be a time of great upheaval and uncertainty. It can also be a time of emotional difficulties, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression. The holiday season may remind people of happier times in their marriage or even reinforce why divorce is the best option. For those struggling to cope or handle divorce during the holidays, it may be best to seek or rely on a support system. There may be others in your circle of friends, family, or co-workers who have been through a divorce during the holidays. Spending time with supportive people can help someone avoid further depression or anxiety during the season. Wanting to still be involved with in-laws or family traditions can be tricky and may need to be discussed and planned well in advance. Starting new traditions or getting involved with volunteer opportunities can help someone take their mind off of what the holidays may have been like before. Planning a holiday get-a-way or non-traditional experience can help you get beyond any holiday blues related to your divorce.

The most important tip to help anyone affected by divorce during the holidays is to take care of themselves physically and emotionally. The holiday season has a way of becoming overwhelming and stressful under the best of circumstances. Planning ahead, clearly communicating your needs, and reaching out to others who may be a source of support and guidance may be the best gifts you can give to yourself or anyone else who is dealing with divorce during the holidays.

By Anna Shapiro

School Shootings in MA and How to Protect Yourself

While it is a topic no one ever wants to think about or plan for, school shootings are a reality today. There is no way to prevent any and all school shootings, just as there are no sure-fire ways to prevent any other tragedy. School shooting incidents can happen in any school, public or private, and across all geographic and socio-economic lines. Even though there is a randomness to school shooting incidents in this country, there are steps students and adults can take to protect themselves if they are ever in a school or work shooting incident. Parents should also be aware of the laws that may affect them if their child is ever implicated in a gun-related incident. If your child is accused of a violent crime in school, you should speak with a criminal lawyer who is experienced in juvenile law.

Ways to Protect Yourself

Living in fear is not an option, but there are ways to minimize the chances of becoming a victim. Many schools are incorporating active shooter drills into their safety plans and procedures, just as they have conducted fire and tornado drills. These drills can make students more aware of their surroundings, including being conscious of escape routes for various parts of the building. One action everyone should try and take is to physically distance themselves from a shooter. Many people freeze when confronted with something so unexpected and frightening. Rewiring your mind to take action and flee can take practice and forethought, but it can also save your life. Another maneuver being taught as part of active shooter drills is how to properly hide and barricade yourself. Hiding completely out of sight, away from doorways and windows is ideal. Locking doors and covering windows also increases the likelihood that you will come away unscathed. As with any drill, the more a scenario is practiced and discussed, the better prepared everyone will be.

Parental Responsibility if Children Commit a Gun Crime

Whenever a minor child has committed a crime resulting in damages or injuries, the parents or legal guardians can be held accountable, according to Massachusetts law. When it comes to weapons, there can be serious consequences if a minor commits a crime with their parent’s gun. Massachusetts has a Child Access Prevention Law and Locking Device Law. These laws are designed to minimize the chance of a child getting a gun. The laws also work to prevent accidental discharge. Guns in Massachusetts homes with children must be locked up. If they are accessible, and parents or guardians have reasonable knowledge that a child can access the weapon, that adult can be held criminally responsible for the actions of the child with that gun. The penalty for violating the Child Access Prevention Law can be a fine or even jail time for parents.

When parents abide by the laws pertaining to child access of guns, the incidence of children getting a hold of a gun drops dramatically. When people know how to best safeguard themselves and teach themselves how to react in a school shooting situation, there is a greater chance of survival. Preparedness, combined with knowledge of the current Massachusetts statutes, can help make schools and society a little bit safer for us all.

By Anna Shapiro